62% Faith

How would you wait out a death sentence?

Back in the early days of the church, the book of Acts tells us that Peter’s friend James had just been killed by Herod Agrippa I, yet another Herod on a murderous rampage. The people cheered, which only further motivated Herod in his killing spree. Peter was next. Herod had him arrested and thrown in jail. He took no chances- he ordered sixteen guards to watch over him.

Where you or I might shake and lie awake in panic, Peter slept. Seriously. The Message puts it like this: “Then the time came for Herod to bring him out for the kill. That night, even though shackled to two soldiers, one on either side, Peter slept like a baby.”

Well-churched people often live with the idea that faith looks a certain way, and thus, successful faith means adapting my behavior to meet a standard. We hear this story about Peter and think, When times get hard, faith looks like Peter.

A man loses his job and feels the pressure to accept his circumstances with the faith that proclaims: God will provide!

A mother discovers she needs surgery for the very cancer that took her mother and believes she must manage her emotions: I must show my friends God is in control.

When it comes to faith, we need permission rather than a mold. Don’t do faith like Peter. Do faith like You.

If that means 62% faith, own it and move forward with it. Maybe a year from now 62% becomes 63.5% and you have that much more of a relationship to enjoy and story to tell. Peter has a different story- a marvelous and glorious tale of redemption, failure, and restoration. But so do you. The best you can do is discover faith based out of your story, not another’s.

Somewhere we lost vision for living in the present. Instead, we substituted the need to fit our response and reaction to the tragedies of life into a godly mold. I get it, a little. Take the fruits of the Spirit- love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. When hard times come, shame tells us: My life should reflect these attributes.

I agree. I want to fully embody all nine of them, too.

But none of us have arrived yet. Therefore, we must recover the desire to tell the truth about what is real.

We hurt. We fear. We doubt.

If we have faith, we can still have doubt.

I think God values our doubt because doubt plays a role on the journey toward intimacy.

When I met my wife, I did not know she was the one. In fact, it took me at least a year to even notice her. We were driving along and I looked over and saw her for the first time. The idea of a relationship became a possibility. There was much reason to doubt- for one, she was nine years older than me. But interacting with her also became a way to engage the doubt.

With doubt comes the invitation for relationship, albeit one with struggles.

But what relationship exists without struggle?

When we live with an idea of how we should respond to life, we lose the truth of who and where we are. And when we lose the truth of ourselves, we have nothing left of ourselves to offer anyone.

Where I am is always much different than where I think I should be.

When life gets hard, by all means, have a desire to respond with 100% faith and trust. But can we find the awareness to hit pause before the shame seeps in to blame us for falling short of Christ-like faith?

You are where you are. If you’re at 62% faith, start there.

But that’s 38% doubt, you say.

Yes, yes it is. And doubt becomes a beautiful invitation for honest relating in reality.

Doubt is the beginning of a story, not the end. Doubt leads us into reality, and reality is where real relationship happens and grows. I want to be like fiery and passionate Peter, but deep down I keep an eye on Thomas. I’m grateful for him because Thomas gives me permission to ask to see Jesus’ scars. Over and over again. Day after day.

May we grant ourselves the grace to feel what is true, tell what is true, and find God and intimacy in the process.