I tore my calf muscle back in February. It was a sequential process, actually. I took our dog Bandit for a run on a Sunday evening. On Monday, my calves screamed at me all day long. I functioned just fine, but they burned with each step. Later that week, I went to the gym to play basketball as usual. Little did I know I was about to experience my first Old Man injury. Early in the first game, with my calves still on fire, I drove to the basket, pulled up for a shot, and came down to a “popping” sound.
Normally I am the last guy in the gym to be heard. When my calf tore, let’s just say everyone knew it.
I almost crawled to a bench and later hobbled to my car. The shot went in, by the way. Nothing but net.
Weeks later, in my attempt to rehab, I bought a jump rope. I stood in the sports store for far too long, staring and comparing different jump ropes. They ranged from cheap plastic to expensive leather.
As I contemplated my purchase, it occurred to me: All a jump rope is is accountability. I can jump without a rope.
But you know what? I won’t.
I might start out hopping and grunting, but eventually my legs will tire and I will rationalize a reason to stop. I need a rope to swing over my head- a rope to keep me jumping, a rope to slash across my shins if I slow down or give up. I need the reminder to sweat, to hurt, to keep going. I would not jump as long or hard without a string to hurdle.
I need a jump rope for accountability. I also need it to gauge my progress. Having a thin little rope to conquer allows me to count and track my growth.
It seems so silly and shameful: I had to spend money on a rope to make me jump and keep me jumping.
The heart works the same way. How many ways do we think we can live alone, without accountability and the help of others to gauge our growth?
If I am honest, much of me wants to live alone. Maybe not physically. But deep in the tunnels of my psyche, I have learned to get by without accountability and the influence of others. I can do this life on my own. I don’t want to be pushed. I don’t want to expose the ugly parts of me, at least not to another human being. It feels easier not to be known.
Our heart needs the discipline and consistency of a few safe people just like lazy and wounded calves need a jump rope. To rehab the heart requires connection, not with anyone and everyone, but certainly with a few good men and/or women.
But I don’t want to need anyone, you say.
I know. Me neither. But we do.
And if your heart still shames you for being so needy…walk outside, stand on one foot, and start hopping. See if you even break a sweat before you start thinking about buying a jump rope.
