C.S. Lewis classifies humans as rebels who must lay down our arms. The depth to which our heart cries out as an insurgent too often escapes us. We live as exiles of home. In his grace, God gives us direction and boundaries for our lives. Sadly, though, he does not take away the parts of our heart which tempt us against what’s best for us. As we live on Eden’s doorstep, God asks “Will you trust me to meet your needs and take care of you, even in this broken world?” In essence, he gives us boundaries and invites us to draw closer into relationship with him as we trust him for our deepest desires, needs, and longings.
Jennifer immediately began to feel threatened the day her company, a firm full of type-A men, hired a counterpart who was prettier and more educated, though less qualified, than her. Will you trust me with your identity and security?
Hendricks’s wife decided she needed a break from physical intimacy to work through her own sexual abuse. In his fear of months without sex, Hendricks felt drawn back to an earlier pornography addiction. Will you trust me with your desires for sex, beauty, and connection?
Mercy, a mother of six, found out her husband had been fired from his third job in three years. Their attempts to pay off past debt, not to mention make it through the month, continued to falter. She wanted to leave him and start over. Will you trust me with your fears of the future?
Jeff’s wife asked him what he had done with his free time on his business trip. He had gone out to eat with colleagues each night, a group of men and women. As a daughter of a father who left her mother for a coworker, Jeff’s wife held a standing expectation that he stay away from social settings with other women. Jeff wanted to tell her he stayed in the hotel room each night to finish work, watch a movie, and go early to bed. Will you trust me with your fear in telling the truth?
Unique to our own stories, all of us deal with our own questions. Some of the questions change and some return. The common denominator, though, is the voice of God underneath each question: Will you trust me to meet your needs and take care of you, or will you seek to make life work on your own?
In our heart’s response, we must differentiate between desire and demand. Desire allows us to live aware of our feelings, both the good and the painful. Desire holds hope and the ache which accompanies it alive. Demand, on the other hand, rejects our core feelings and the opportunity to trust God with our longings, hopes, and needs. The pull toward affirmation, control, power, pleasure, comfort, identity, purpose, safety, and fulfillment becomes too strong. Sitting with our feelings in our soul questions becomes too painful. It is our refusal to live in desire which causes us to become rebels who demand life work on our terms.
Living in healthy desire, we are homesick yet hopeful sojourners. When desire morphs into demand, we become rebels intent on making our own way. The choice is always present before us.
Process:
In your awareness of your feelings, listen and look for the questions underneath. The invitation to live in healthy, trusting desire and the temptation to demand that life meet your needs lingers with each emotion we feel.
