One man had been an invalid there for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him stretched out by the pool and knew how long he had been there, he said, “Do you want to get well?” – John 5:5-6 (MSG)
Do you want to get well?
Yes!
And no.
When we pay attention, the path of well invites us to confront and answer this haunting question on a daily basis. Yes, of course I want to get well. And no, I do not want to own the road of shame, grace, and trust that the path of well requires of me.
The better we come to understand Jesus’ question and his offer, the more we know it is the road of suffering he invites us to partake in. Not suffering for the sake of suffering. No, it is the journey to experience and tell what is true while also entrusting our heart to God in the process of not knowing, not being in control, and seeing our limitations, darkness, and the shame which keeps us cozy and warm.
Henri Nouwen poses Jesus offer this way,
“Do you really want to be converted? Are you willing to be transformed? Or do you keep clutching your old ways of life with one hand while with the other you beg people to help you change?”
Our clutching the old and begging others for new really gets us nowhere until we step into the process for ourselves. Clutching the old and asking too much of others to save us are really only forms of resolution. To look for resolution keeps us trying to fix both life and ourselves. Both keep us from facing our own path of well. All of us must journey this road for ourselves. No one can live your life for you. Nor are they meant to. Your path is your path. Mind you, this does not mean we have to travel alone. It does mean, though, we must choose the vulnerability and faithfulness to our own journey.
If we are to ever change, we must free our grip from the old- our selfish, comfortable, and independent strategies of survival and relinquish our request of or demand on others to do our work for us.
The old has gone, but the new has come. This truth must find its realization in our own heart, which is really to say: The old has gone, and the new must be found, unwrapped, and received. To align with Christ and participate in a death, resurrection, and ascension of the heart requires a lifetime of introspection. The old will always beg us to return, and the new waits patiently for our pursuit. So first we tackle awareness of our own heart. As our heart awareness deepens and our desire fuels our anger for change, little by little we find eyes to discover a new way for our heart to live and be.
