Over the last two weeks I have posted the first two parts in a series on possible responses to temptation. When the context of life tempts us to react impulsively, we can slow the momentum down with a process that engages the heart.
1) What am I feeling? (link to Part 1)
2) Canoe Down a River (link to Part 2)
3) What is it I am really looking for?
“And I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.” – U2
None of us this side of heaven have found what we are looking for. None of us. The whole grass is always greener thing tricks us into believing our neighbor has his lawn and his life figured out. But none of us do, and none of us have found the key to make it work.
Sadly, and scarier too, is that few of us even know exactly what we are looking for. Happiness might be the easiest or most popular answer, but happiness can be as cheap as beer. And after that bottle or pack or night, we are left searching yet again. But for what?
In our search for life, one thing burns as true and sure as the sun: Desire and demand compete within us, but the latter will ruin us until we learn to live well in the former.
If you are reading this in the midst of temptation, hopefully you are in your canoe by now (read part 2: Canoe Down a River). Your time in the canoe is meant to expose this part of you: the part which incessantly searches and longs. In the early paddling, the memory of that which tempted you remains strong. It creates a physical, emotional tug not easily disposed. But over time, the craving subsides, and you find yourself alone with an emptiness. The desire for beauty, life, control, power, and comfort remains, but the ability to act on it no longer stands as an option. In this wilderness of your heart, without access to the fantasy or false-promise of life, your demand becomes exposed and you have the chance instead to embrace something much healthier and full of dignity: your desire.
It has been said, “Every man who enters a brothel is looking for God.”
Now this is a deeper, soulful wisdom we didn’t learn in Sunday school; it is a unique window into the soul of temptation. For the sake of clarity, I make a distinction between desire (healthy design) and demand (unhealthy). Desire tells the aforementioned man he is a sexual being made to experience beauty, sex, and physical and relational connection. Demand tells the man he is entitled to go find and create satisfaction on his terms. What is lost between the transition from desire to demand is that which he is really looking for in his pursuit: God.
We can all take the quotation above and personalize it:
Every man or woman who enters/pursues/demands ________ is looking for God.
What offers you the momentary but false illusion of pleasure, security, or power? You fill in the blank. Co-dependance. Addictions. Sex. Religion. Success and recognition. Food. Relationships. Control. Money.
Here’s the thing: It is not there. What you are looking for is not in whatever tempts your heart. The man who enters the brothel, or you who chase whatever it is you chase, will not find the life you prize in that which tempts you. But until you know this, know in the deepest sense, you will fight to turn your canoe around.
C.S. Lewis puts it like this:
“The [things] in which we thought the beauty was located will betray us if we trust to them; it was not in them, it only came through them, and what came through them was longing. These things…are good images of what we really desire; but if they are mistaken for the thing itself they turn into dumb idols, breaking the hearts of their worshippers. For they are not the thing itself; they are only the scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have never yet visited.”
The longing underneath the longing is good. Healthy desire exists under every temptation. But demand mixes with desire and leaves us lost and confused, intent to depend on instincts that seem right at the time. We so ache for Life and so fear we will never find it fully that we cease our seeking and waiting for God and instead place our longing on anyone or anything that reflects his comfort, control, and power. We give up our search for the flower, for the tune we have not heard, and for the country not yet visited because we cannot embrace longing as our friend.
But if we can befriend longing and give up demand, we stand a chance to live well amidst temptation.
When demand threatens to overpower us to do what we do not want to do, we must get into the habit of asking ourselves what we are really looking for. Filter out healthy desire from unhealthy demand. Find the way back to trust and longing. And then speak tenderly to your heart: The reality is that what I am looking for is not in him or her or it.
The ultimate answer to the life we desire will never be found in the person or thing which tempts us. We must surrender to this truth. It is our only hope when our mind, body, and heart scream otherwise: You must have what you want! (Even if it means violating the boundaries of another).
No. The answer is not there.
The answer is not there.
The answer is not there.
So what or who am I really seeking?
What is it my soul actually desires?
