The following is an excerpt from recent writing on distinguishing the different voices of shame.
Evil would love for us to believe we do not matter. If we only knew the significance we played in the greater story God has invited us into, we would move into healthy shame with intensity and intention to show up in fullness in every moment and relationship. We would know lives, both in the physical and spiritual realm, are at stake, and we would move in strength to bring life to those in our care. But evil has whispered to us that we do not matter, that we are nobody, and we have not only listened but agreed.
Recall the story of Mufasa’s death in The Lion King. As a young cub, Simba flourishes as the beloved son of the king. He playfully scampers around the kingdom, and he lives under the ever-present protection of his father Mufasa. But this sense of security allows Simba to live naively and/or oblivious to the evil which hunts him. His uncle Scar waits in the shadows, intent to usurp the crown and kingdom for himself.
When the perfect time arises, Scar enacts his plan to place Simba in a canyon while a hoard of wildebeests, triggered into a panic, stampede toward helpless Simba. Scar calls on Mufasa to help, trusting the love of a father will lead his enemy to death and downfall. As Mufasa runs into the chaos, he himself is trampled even as he rescues Simba to safety.
Before the dust settles in Simba’s heart, Scar moves in for another kill.
Scar: Simba, What have you done?
Simba: He tried to save me. It was an accident. I didn’t mean for it to happen.
Scar: Of course, of course you didn’t. No one ever means for these things to happen. But the king is dead. If it weren’t for you, he’d still be alive….What will your mother think?
Simba: What am I going to do?
Scar: Run away, Simba. Run, run away, and never return.
Simba, the son of the king and now rightful king, does not have enough of himself to ponder the sequence of events which have led to his father’s death. In his version of the micro-story, he caused Mufasa’s demise by his own immaturity and foolishness. Even without Scar’s blame and threat, toxic-shame has already spoken. But Scar drives the message deeper and attempts to seal the coffin. As intentional and specific as the voice of evil so often is, Scar’s manipulation runs deeper than simply feeding his nephew the fault for his treachery. Beneath his spoken words he offers an insinuation that Simba willingly adopts: You do not matter to the restoration of the kingdom.
Simba runs away and simultaneously makes this agreement. Whatever else happens within the kingdom, whoever else will be affected by this tragedy no longer matters to the young cub. His toxic-shame blinds him, and he retreats to live in denial of it, the very thing he must confront to save himself, his friends and family, and his community.
For if Simba knew he mattered, he would stick around to sort out the facts. While he may have been too young to lead as king in that moment, his presence and place as heir apparent would be essential to the hope of the kingdom. Instead, just as in our childish handling of our own shame, Simba checks out, quickly forgets who he is, and accepts the fate evil bestows: I do not matter to the kingdom.
Sound familiar?
